All Is Full Of Love

[all around you]

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I bet your mother would be proud of you
Björk: Forgive This Tribe

  • I should be reading and making notes for my presentation on Thursday, but I lost all my focus and decided to go to bed and then work really hard tomorrrow. But surprise surprise I can't sleep either.

  • I smell different... It's hard to explain, it's not bad, i showered today, it's just interesting to realise.

  • I've been having vivid flashbacks to my car accident from October. I finally heard from the courts in regard to my early resolution meeting, and I can't do it by phone because I apparently live within 75km of the courthouse. Which google maps says is a lie. But whatever. So my meeting is March 6th, and my dad will be home from Florida to take me. I was going through my notes on the night, I keep being told to be confident and tell them that i don't deserve this charge, but I'm afraid that when I'm actually in the meeting that i will just break down and be like: it's all my fault, i'm sorry etc. I just have a hard time defending myself. Everyone keeps saying that I have a good chance to get the charge lessened, but I'm afraid that it won't. What if I really could've avoided the accident? What if I was distracted? What if I'm really a bad driver? I'm freaking out a little bit, but I think talking to my dad and going through my story will help a lot.

  • I also remember little things from that night that make me smile: our chainsmoking while waiting for the police to show up, our group hug celebrating being alive, flipping off the douchebag driving by the accident who started taking pictures of my fucked up car, the cop who called me a 'smart cookie', the funny tow truck guy who let Matt bring his case of beer, cramming the three of us and all of our bags into the tow truck and Matt having to sit on my lap, Mariah holding my hand for much of the ride home, sleeping over at Mariah's with her family, staying up for hours drinking tea and eating popcorn talking, Linda taking me home the next day and hugging me while I cried and telling me that she was there for me if I needed anything.

  • Today, I had to go on a 'wild goose chase' (uughh) for this dumb textbook that I need for my course and my presentation. I first went to the campus library, they have 1 copy put on reserve (for the 30 students in my class to share) and it was checked out. Even the older edition was checked out. So I went to the bookstore to see if it's finally in stock. Nope. So I checked the Chapters website. Not in stock in any Toronto store. So I check the public library website and they do have it. So I took the hour there and back journey to get it. Super frustrating. I don't know how she expects us all to read the book, if we have no access to it.

  • Kat is moving out. At the end of the month. So I need to put up with her for another week or so. But, yay, happy days! :)

  • Marineth is pregnant which is interesting.

  • My florida trip is becoming more of an anxiety thing for me. Stepheny is coming. We are not super close, but I think it will maybe fun. I just assumed that she would be there at different times than me. I am there the 11th to the 19th, and now she is too, she has basically the same flights as me. I just expected that she would come down on the 14th to the 21st, because her parents won't be there until the 14th. It's a complicated story. I just figured that I would get a few days to myself, with my parents. But no, she copied my plans. So in the house, those first days, it will be my parents, the second couple, the third couple (neither of whom are related to Stepheny), then me and Stepheny, until her parents arrive on the 14th, I just find the whole thing very awkward, and I dont want to share a bedroom with her, I don't want to share a bedroom with anyone. I will likely opt to sleep in the living room, though I can't hide and will have to interact with people constantly... Fhuuuuck. I hate that she's ruined my plans and that I'm being such a dumb baby about this.

  • I'm heading home on the weekend, to check on the house, see my grandparents, and I'll get to see my sister too. I may see if JP wants to chill at some point. I really only saw him once over the holidays at Alicia's bday get-together. And I have intense amounts of work to do for school, blahhhh.

That's about it, I think.


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