I'm stressed and having a really shitty day.
Just talked to my grandma on the phone, my papa is in the hospital with pneumonia, and I hate that I can't be there for my grandma and him. And I'm leaving for Florida on Wednesday, so I'll be even more away from them. I feel helpless and and I just feel so sad and hyper aware of how I can't stand to lose him. But he's going to be 90 years old this year. And old people go into the hospital with pneumonia and die there, that's what my grandma always says about our town's hospital.
I can't focus on my annotated bibliography that's due on wednesday. my TA seems cool about me emailing it to her by the end of the week. I am definitely not going to be done it by Wednesday, but If I put if off too much, I won't want to do it in Florida either.
And packing is stressful. It's just a carry-on but having to sort out my liquids and what I'm allowed to have is making me anxious.
And figuring out how I'm getting to the airport is stressful. My address is kind of hard to find because It's not on a street, it's in a little complex. And I don't know how to explain that to a cab company.
I'm just a mess today.
But I can't be entirely negative, some good things:
Last Sunday and Monday, I spent with Mariah and Zach, it was amazing to spend so much time with them. It was just Mariah and I for most of the afternoon on Sunday, we listened to Bob Marley on vinyl and had really intense talks about health and therapy, then Zach brought us delicious french toast on his break. We went to his restaurant for super bowl drinks, got buzzed, and then later went to shoppers for the snack trifecta. That night we watched Austin Powers and played Trivia Pursuit and drank a big bottle of wine. It snowed a lot, so they told me to sleepover. Brock was gone so I slept in his bed, Mariah texted him being like: do you mind if Rebecca sleeps in your bed? and he responded: I don't mind if she doesn't mind ;) God knows when he washed his sheets last haha. So Mariah made the bed up for me. I slept pretty well considering it is incredibly difficult for me to sleep at other people's places. His 'room', basically just a little nook in zack's studio apartment, is actually pretty great. There's a huge ass industrial window so I watched the snow fall, and Brock's cat snuggled with me. At times he would climb on my chest and just lick my face haha. Like always I woke up early and had to wait for them to wake up. I read and listened to music and played with the cats which was chill and nice. When they woke up, at noon, Zach made a frittata and a full plate of delicious brunch for us, and we watched Groundhog Day and Mike Tyson Mysteries on Netflix (great show by the way). Then we went to the Salvation Army by their place for some thrift shopping. Then I trekked home. Which took forever because we got lots of snow and transit was mega slow. But overall we had amazing times. I love that girl so much, and I am very fond of Zach. I think they are wonderful together.
Oh, but the best thing ever right now: still no roommate, so it's just me and Rick and Marineth, but I have the bathroom to myself. And during the day I generally have the whole place. It's great.
And Florida will be amazing, I'm stressing, but it will be refreshing and good. I will make it good. Fuck external forces.
Then when I get back, Dayna and Jillaine will be in town and we are going to party with Mariah, which is sooo exciting :)
I need lots of friend times.
OH! Haven't discussed this yet:Vulnicura is spectacular. My Queen B is back. :)
- Love will keep all of us safe from death