All Is Full Of Love

[all around you]

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Because you grew up in small town, you'll appreciate it more
Björk: Forgive This Tribe
So, I was sitting at the kitchen island this morning having my coffee, after helping my dad with computer things and getting set up with the tee-sheet for work, and my mom had just come in from checking out the gardens. I've had issues with my allergies lately, I've been super stuffed up and my eyes have been watering a lot. And my mom just looked at me for a while and asked if I was okay, because I looked upset. And I just told her about my allergies.

It was just so jarring, her asking me if I'm okay. I know she loves me and is concerned about me. But it's never really something that is ever vocalised in my family.
And honestly, it just made me more sad, because of how hard it is to tell her and be like: I'm decently okay, right now, because I have work to distract me from the nightmare that is my normal state of how not okay I am.

So yeah, I'm just living in this state of distraction, trying to maintain my 'work self' (aka. my friendly, out-going, talkative, ambitious persona that I take on while I'm working).

deep breaths, kitty, very brave face, chest out
remind myself that I deserve this
even though they'll be whispering that I'm worthless

Oh, and I miss my frandzz :(


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